INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS MATTER IN AMERICA .

 

INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS MATTER IN AMERICA .

   

Over the past couple of weeks, there has been a lot of discussion and dialogue about the hateful comments that were used when General Mills featured an interracial couple on their Cheerios commercial on YouTube.  According to David Olson, an online columnist, there were several racial slurs posted in the comments section and approximately 1,700 dislikes of video posted.  As the child of interracial parents, on one hand, I was bothered by all the negative responses to the commercial.   On the other hand, I was happy this issue was brought to the forefront because it's a huge issue that needs to be discussed as we talk about diversity and healthy relationships.

            First, I believe this discussion has to be addressed more in the 21st Century because white supremacists are not the only group of people that disagrees with interracial relationships.  Personally, I have witnessed, heard, and seen multiple cultures react negatively towards individuals that desire to create interracial relationships. I have also seen many ethnic leaders fight for multiculturalism and diversity within the workplace yet frown negatively upon men and women who desire to date or marry outside their culture.  This begs the question how can we really fight for equality in the workplace when we refuse to use that rationale when it comes to interracial relationships.

            Second, I believe this discussion has to be addressed more in the 21st Century because successful interracial relationships require both parties to develop understanding, knowledge, and a strong ability to adjust to cultural differences.  This is so important because some interracial relationships fail because one of the relationships partners does not take the time to fully understand and embrace the culture of their significant other.  For example, in a recent article on interracial relationships, two individuals were having various problems in their relationship because one of the relationship partners was insensitive to certain cultural issues.  In essence, even though one of the relationship partners was fully in love with the other relationship partner, they still had some problems because one of the relationship partners did not take the time to fully understand the culture of their relationship partner.

            Lastly, I believe this discussion has to be addressed more in the 21st Century because more people are getting involved in interracial relationships than ever before.  For instance, according to the Census data, the number of families with married couples of different races and ethnicities rose 28 percent between 2000-2010 and now represents 10 percent of U.S. families.  Unfortunately, with this rise of interracial relationships has come added pressure from various groups because of their disagreement with interracial marriages.  In addition to these negative responses, interracial couples have to deal with discouraging statistics from the Associated Press stating that mixed couples have a 41 percent chance of separation or divorce compared to 31 percent of couples who are married within their race.  Ultimately, just like any relationship, in order to create healthy and sustainable relationships, we must ALL do the best that we can to prepare ourselves for relationship success regardless of the differences we share.

            To address some of these issues, I want to use my diversity expertise, relationship knowledge, and personal experience to provide you with five specific things that we can ALL do to help people create more healthy and sustainable interracial relationships in the 21st Century.

Cultural Competence is Mandatory for Relationship Success

As a national speaker on diversity, I have discovered that cultural competence is a skill set that must be developed in people because there is a process that everyone must experience in order to fully develop into a more culturally competent person.

Unfortunately, because we do not associate this skill set to romantic relationships, many people fail in their interracial relationships for not taking the time to develop the cultural competence needed to sustain a healthy and positive relationship with someone from another culture.

Relationship Advice: Take Cultural Competence serious if you want to develop a healthy and sustainable interracial relationship.

True Love Is Based on Values, not Culture

Although an individual's culture can have a huge impact on someone's value system, the reality is, true love is not formed because of a person's cultural background.  It's formed because of the shared values that two people have for one another in a relationship.

For example, values such respect, forgiveness, kindness, compassion, long suffering, honesty, sacrifice for those you love, loyalty, faithfulness, and commitment are just some of the universal values that create healthy, positive, and sustainable relationships.  Ultimately, the true love of two people will not be obtained in a relationship or marriage because of a person's cultural background, it will be attained because of the shared values. 

Relationship Advice: Instead of expecting your future relationships to work because someone comes from the same cultural background as you, focus more on the shared values you have with a person instead.  This is what leads to sustainable and healthy relationships.

True Love is Color-Blind

For the past year, I have made it a point to talk about the power of love in relation to diversity and social justice because I believe that if people lead and interact with others based upon the perspective of love, a lot of the social injustices connected to diversity will be solved.

Subsequently, during these engaging discussions on love, I have discovered that love is color-blind.  In essence, true love has the power to create one of the greatest experiences in our lives, but when it comes to relationships, it is color blind.  The color of a person's skin does not affect the impact that love can have on two people who care a lot for one another.

Therefore, if we are going to promote true love, then we have to understand that love comes in different forms.  When there is true love between two people, the color or cultural background of a person will not matter!

Relationship Advice: True love comes in all different forms because it is color blind.  Therefore, do not allow the color of someone's skin stop you from experiencing true love in a relationship or marriage.

True Love Overcomes ALL

As a child of an interracial relationship, I have heard and experienced several negative things because people have their own issues with interracial relationships.  Thankfully, I have seen many people overcome these challenges because true love overcomes all.

In essence, if you decide to engage in an interracial relationship, you may face challenges, prejudices, and hostility because of your relationship.  Remember that true love has the power to overcome the greatest challenges.  Moreover, true love between two individuals is so powerful and has the ability to change the negative stereotypes, bias, and attitudes that some may have about interracial relationships.

Relationship Advice: True love has the power to overcome every obstacle and challenge.  Therefore, do not allow the opinions, negative attitudes, and challenging situations created by family and friends stop you from experiencing the greatest love of your life!

True makes our Community, Nation, and World a Better Place

One of the main reasons I am so passionate about helping people create healthy relationships and marriages is because it's the answer to some of our greatest problems in the world today.  For example, when you think about the negative issues affecting our communities and nation, I can almost guarantee you that a lot of the problems that we face can be linked back to some sort of relationship problem in an individual's life with their mother or father.

This is why I tell people that a strong relationship evolves into a strong marriage, a strong marriage develops into a powerful family, a powerful family becomes an amazing community, and an amazing community creates an extremely incredible nation to the rest of the world.

But, here's the catch.  If romantic relationships are affected, everything else will be impacted as well.  Therefore, moving forward, let's celebrate and encourage true love more than ever before regardless of the differences between two people because it leads to a better community, nation, and world.

Relationship Advice: True love makes our community, nation, and world a better place!  So, if you desire to make our community, nation, and world a better place, you will embrace and encourage true love regardless of the differences between two people.

HIDDEN TRUTHS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS .

  

A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful opportunity to speak with a group of student leaders in Seattle, Washington about finding the right relationship partner and developing a healthy and productive romantic relationship that is built to last.  During the presentation, I explained to each of the student leaders that it's not only important to develop a list of qualities that you desire in a future relationship partner, but it's also extremely important to understand that these great qualities you desire in your future relationship partner will not guarantee you a healthy and productive relationship.  In essence, you can find someone that has all the characteristics that you desire in a potential relationship partner, but if you and your relationship partner do not ask yourself the key questions to developing a healthy and productive relationship, it will not work out!

So, throughout the entire relationship workshop session in Seattle, Washington, instead of focusing our efforts on the qualities to search for in a potential relationship partner, I took the time to provide each of the student leaders with four questions that I believe each of them must ask themselves before they engage in a serious romantic relationship.  Personally, I believe these four questions are not only foundational questions for a successful, healthy, and productive relationship, but they are four questions that can determine the success and happiness of a romantic relationship with anyone.  As we all engage in this season of love, romance, and relationships, I challenge you to consider these four questions before you engage in a serious romantic relationship.

Question #1

Are you Compatible?

The first question that I believe every individual must ask themselves before they engage in a serious romantic relationship is, do we get along with one another harmoniously, do we complement one another, do we like to be around one another, and am I content with the physical, spiritual, emotional, sexual, social, and intellectual level of my relationship partner?  In essence, if my relationship partner never changed, would I be completely satisfied with the state of my relationship partner on all levels.

  Personally, I believe this is an important question to ask because I have found that many people experience unproductive relationships because they involve themselves in serious relationships based on potential rather than reality.  Unfortunately, what some of these people discover is that the qualities they thought they could change never do and they end up breaking up with their significant other because they were never fully content with who that person was in the beginning.  Be content and compatible with the person before you engage in a serious romantic relationship.
     

Question #2

Do you Share Common Values?

The second question that I believe every individual must ask themselves before they engage in a serious romantic relationship is, do we share common beliefs, ideas, perspectives, and philosophies about life?

  The primary reason why I believe this question is so important to ask is because our values not only dictate our behaviors and actions, but common values shared by two parties strengthen the relationship, create more synergy in the relationship, and protect the relationship from future pain.  In essence, one of the reasons why people experience unhealthy, unproductive, painful, and bad relationships is because they fail to learn about the true values of someone or they decide to overlook the true values of someone before they involve themselves in a serious romantic relationship.  Whatever you do, don't become that person!

Question #3

Do you have Effective Communication?

The third question that I believe every individual must ask themselves before they engage in a serious romantic relationship is, do we effectively communicate with one another?  In essence, do we listen to one another, do we understand one another, do we know how to love one another, do we deal with conflict effectively, do we respect and trust one another, do we communication respectively with one another, and most importantly, do we have intimate conversations with one another.

  The primary reason why I believe this question is so important to ask is because effective communication is not only the foundation of any great relationship, but when you have effective communication with your significant other, you truly learn about who your relationship partner is, you are able to create an amazing relationship, you can become the boyfriend or girlfriend that your relationship partner desires in their significant other, and you avoid the disasters that manifest in a relationship because of ineffective communication.

Question #4

Do we Share A Common Purpose?

The fourth question that I believe every individual must ask themselves before they engage in a serious romantic relationship is, do we have a common purpose?  In essence, do you and your relationship partner have a unified set of reasons why you both have chosen to involve yourselves in a serious romantic relationship?

  The primary reason why I believe this question is so important to ask is because a relationship that is developed with a common purpose not only brings unity, passion, synergy, inspiration, and amazing appreciation to the relationship, but it protects you from the temptation and challenges that will arise in every romantic relationship.  For example, when you share a common purpose with someone that goes beyond the characteristics of a person, you are more likely to abstain from temptation and overcome some of the difficult challenges that arise in every relationship because your common purpose serves as the precious diamond of your relationship that cannot be replaced.

Obviously, there are more keys to sustaining a healthy and productive relationship, but these are four foundational questions that we should all consider before we engage in a serious romantic relationship. 

Don't SETTLE For LESS in a RELATIONSHIP!

JOSHUA FREDENBURG'S VIDEO BLOG

HOW TO FIND A GOOD MAN IN 2013

The first day of 2013 was probably one of my favorite days of the New Year thus far.  I had the opportunity to serve with an amazing group of men and women who had a heart to share love, encouragement, and resources with individuals that were facing some challenging moments.  By the end of the night, we all were pleased about the impact we were able to make in the lives of these men and women at the transition home.  We decided to get some dinner and ended up going to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles in Hollywood, California (If you never have been here, you should definitely go).

While at Roscoe's, we talked about several different things.  The topic of conversation that stood out to me was the discussion about women having a hard time meeting a good man.  In essence, they felt it was much more difficult for a woman to find a good man than the other way around.  They went so far as to say that they felt that there was a shortage of good men in Southern California and how some of their friends believe that they may be single for the rest of their lives.  Based on the ratio of men to women in Southern California, I can understand their point to a certain extent, but as a motivational speaker, I had to bring them hope by reminding them that there are lots of good men in Southern California.  I know lots of men who would serve as good relationship partners for these women.

This conversation stuck with me and I have thought more deeply about it because I have heard many women share the same experience.  Instead providing hope to women who secretly or outwardly share these same concerns, I decided to develop five simple strategies that I believe can help women meet a good man in 2013.  I believe these simple strategies can help women find a good man in 2013 and help create a healthy relationship which is built to last.

Relationship Tip #1

Know What a Good Man Is

Unfortunately, I have met women who believe a man cannot be considered a good man unless they make $200,000 per year or look like a cover model.  Although these are great qualities to possess, a man can lack the above qualities and still be a good man.  Here are some other qualities to look for: ambition in life, consistent career that does not equate to $200,000 per year, character and integrity, confidence and courage, believes in family, hard-worker, respectable, supportive, loving towards women, and most importantly, is someone that you can trust to be there for you.

Relationship Tip #2

Develop the Inner Qualities that "ALL" Good Men "DESIRE"

Relationship experts will tell you that most men desire a woman who is attractive and loves to have sex.  This is a true statement and probably will never change!  But, in addition to these two highly popular qualities, the other "key" qualities that will enable a woman to keep or get recognized by a good man is

her character, integrity, authenticity, ability to be trusted, support and admiration for the man, kindness, love, and God-given skills.

Relationship Tip #3

Don't Allow Your PAST to AFFECT Your FUTURE

I believe that most women have the opportunity to meet a good man at some point each year, but many of these opportunities never flourish because one or both parties allow their baggage

, negative attitudes, and bad experiences affect the new man or woman attempting to enter their life.

In essence, instead of giving everyone a fair shot, many "HURT PEOPLE" allow their past hurts, frustrations, and experiences taint the new relationships that are being presented to them on a daily basis.   Sadly, the end result is a missed opportunity!

Relationship Tip #4

Go to the Places where GOOD MEN Hang Out

Although I believe a woman can meet a good man anywhere, it is also important that good women seek out places she believes that good men are most likely to hang out.  These locations can vary, but I have found through my own experiences that many of the good men I have crossed paths with attend sporting events, work-out at the gym, attend family/friend gatherings, attend networking/professional/job-related events, attend church, holiday parties, attend volunteering activities, and educational events that are geared towards helping them become better in life.

Now, you do not have to go to these places looking to find a good man.  If you are in the vicinity of the good men, he will see you and approach you!

Relationship Tip #5

Believe and Be OPEN to DAILY Opportunities

I know that it can be challenging to meet the right person; I challenge you to continue to believe and be open to the possibility every day.  I believe that the right person will cross your path at some point.  This perspective is not just optimistic thinking but something I have seen transpire in many women's lives who were struggling to find a good man.  And, guess what, if it happened to them, it can surely happen for you!

Obviously, there are many more tips for men and women, but these are five simple strategies I wanted to share with women after my conversation on New Year's Day.